Finding Healing

Everyone has probably experienced a painful break up of some sort at some point in their life.  Some have experienced many. I’ve had a few myself. Looking back now, I wish I had the insight and perspective that I have now. I wish I hadn’t let my emotions take hold of me and my decisions.  I wish I had gone quiet.  After each painful break up I did reach a point where I went quiet. And I can identify those moments now as the point when I actually moved on. What I wouldn’t give to erase how crazy I acted when all I needed to do was to go quiet. 

There’s a popular misconception that moving on is dramatic. That healing requires noise. That closure comes from confrontation, explanation, or one last emotionally charged phone call or text.

It doesn’t.

Moving on is actually painfully boring—and that’s how you know it’s real.

After my own personal experiences in combination with watching not only my husband’s second divorce but also how his first ex of almost 20 years has reacted to this day, I’ve learned the difference between heartbreak and hysteria. Between grief and ego. Between someone processing loss and someone refusing to accept reality. Don’t get me wrong- I have absolutely been the one refusing to accept reality before and it is a rough place to be.

Moving On vs. Whatever This Is

What Moving On Actually Looks Like

• Moving on is boring. No court dates. No texts or calls from unknown numbers. No emotional monologues.
• Healing is when your ex’s life update doesn’t raise your blood pressure—or the call volume on your phone.
• Growth is realizing silence is louder than screaming ever was.

What Not Moving On Looks Like (A Case Study)

• Refusing to be served divorce papers like it’s a game of legal hide-and-seek.
• Treating court orders as ✨suggestions✨ instead of, you know… orders.
• Calling your ex-husband to scream and swear because he dared to move on with his life.
• Losing your mind over him getting married again—as if a divorce came with a lifetime veto.
• Thinking that you still have a right to an opinion in his life
• Sending your ex a text saying “not a very nice 25th anniversary present to me to get your 25 year old girlfriend pregnant” (YEARS after your divorce)
• Being more committed to attempting to impact your ex’s life than you ever were to your own healing.

Signs You’re Not Over It (But Really Want Everyone to Think You Are)

• You claim you’ve “moved on” while actively violating court orders.
• You are still in contact with your ex’s family, getting information as to what is going on in their life yet saying that your ex is obsessed with your life when all he wants is for you to follow court orders
• You’re having anyone willing in your life spread lies and gossip saying how your ex and his new wife are obsessed with you meanwhile they’ve completely moved on with their lives and have gone out of their way to avoid you and anyone connected to you 
• Your biggest enemy isn’t your ex—it’s reality.

A Quick Reality Check

Divorce papers aren’t harassment.They’re documentation.

Court orders aren’t optional.They’re enforceable.

Judges do not care about your feelings. They care about compliance.

Your ex getting remarried isn’t betrayal. It’s chronology.

Healing does not require witnesses. Meltdowns do.

Screaming into a phone at someone you married and divorced almost 20 years ago won’t change their life now, nor will having your daughter continue to spread lies years later. 

The Myth of Closure

Closure is not something your ex owes you.
It’s not a conversation.
It’s not a final argument.
And it’s definitely not a voicemail laced with profanity.

Closure is acceptance without access.

If you still need to yell, threaten, or monitor someone who legally and emotionally left your life, you’re not healing—you’re trying to regain control.

The Difference Between Pain and Ego

Pain grieves.
Ego rages.

Pain eventually softens.
Ego doubles down.

Pain moves forward quietly.
Ego refuses to be served papers and then acts surprised when consequences arrive.

At some point, it’s no longer about love lost.
It’s about power lost—and that’s a much uglier thing to mourn.

Final Thought

Here’s the uncomfortable truth:
You don’t keep tabs on someone you’ve let go of.

You don’t spread lies about a person who no longer matters.
You don’t build community around resentment unless resentment is all you have left.

And if your ex has remarried while you’re still screaming into the void, the truth is simple:

You didn’t lose the relationship.
You lost relevance.

And that’s the part you can’t move past.

At some point, moving on stops being about the other person and starts being about dignity. About choosing not to perform pain for an audience that no longer exists. About understanding that life doesn’t pause just because you refuse to accept the ending.

Some people heal by letting go.
Others spiral trying to hold on to what’s already gone.

And while one path leads to peace, the other leads to courtrooms, consequences, and the slow realization that the only person still trapped in the past… is you.

Because the truth is simple:

People who are truly done don’t linger.
They don’t chase.
They don’t keep score.

They let go—and they go quiet.

Here’s to 2026 being a year of looking forward and not looking back.