Finding Healing

Marriage is supposed to be a union built on trust, respect, and love. For many, it represents the ultimate partnership, a bond where two people share their lives, their dreams, and their struggles. But sometimes, what seems like a fairytale turns out to be nothing but a nightmare. My story is one of betrayal, manipulation, emotional abuse, and the harsh reality of learning that not everyone has the same intentions as you.

The Illusion of a Dream Marriage

When I first met him, everything seemed perfect. He was charming, funny and had (what I thought at the time was) a cool accent. I thought I had found the person I could build my life with, share my future, and have children with. But as the months went by, I started to see cracks in the facade. It started with the little things—small lies, broken promises, and a growing distance between us. But it wasn’t until we were married that the true nature of our relationship started to show.

It became clear that he had been using me for something far more self-serving than love: a chance at citizenship (completely funded by my parents by the way).

We had been married for some time before I discovered his Tinder profile. The tagline? “Just here for a good time, not a long time.”

This wasn’t a joke. This wasn’t just a flippant comment. He meant it. He wasn’t interested in me or our marriage—he was interested in what he could gain from it. When my cousin sent my dad a screenshot of this profile, I was blindsided. My dad had confronted him, and his response? He lied directly to my dad’s face saying that someone set it up to “mess with him.” When I confronted him and put the screen shot in front of his face? He smirked and walked out.

But it didn’t stop there.

The Fallout

One day I found out he had been suspended from his job. He wouldn’t explain why and I was left with a lot of questions. That suspension turned into a termination. He was fired from his job for allegedly sexually assaulting a female coworker. Instead of facing consequences, his workplace decided to let him go quietly to protect their reputation. Even still he swore he never did anything and it was just all false allegations.

When I tried to get past it and give him another chance, he was already in another relationship, sending texts to his new girlfriend, calling her “baby” and apologizing for not being able to talk over the weekend because he was “busy with his daughter”—all while we was really just with me.

It was obvious to everyone but him: I was never the priority.

The Lies, Cheating, and Gaslighting

It quickly became evident that I wasn’t the only one in his life. He had no problem lying, cheating, and then gaslighting me into thinking I was crazy for questioning him. He would brag to others about how, once we passed the final immigration interview, if we got divorced, he could still get to stay in the country since you only have to stay married for 2 years in order to get permanent residency with no contingency.

As his lies mounted, he continued to disrespect not just me, but everyone around him. He told his friends and coworkers that he wanted a divorce but felt bad because he believed I would struggle to find someone else. Meanwhile, he knew he could move on easily and without consequence.

He used my vulnerability and my love as a way to manipulate and control me. He had no regard for me or my emotions. He saw me as a stepping stone in his path to what he really wanted: a permanent place in the country. He wasn’t a husband. He was a user.

The Emotional and Psychological Abuse

The emotional toll this took on me was unimaginable. He constantly belittled me, made me feel like I was crazy for calling him out, and tried to destroy my self-worth with every argument. He would manipulate my emotions to make me feel guilty when I questioned his behavior. It was a cycle of abuse that I couldn’t break free from until I finally opened my eyes to the truth.

When I told him I didn’t want to be touched, his response was to ignore my boundaries completely. On one occasion, I woke up to find his hand in my pants, and when I confronted him, he claimed he was “asleep.” That was a breaking point. This was no longer just about betrayal—it was about complete disregard for my autonomy and dignity.

It became very clear to me that everything I went through was only about control. He felt that he owned me. During our pending divorce we had gotten into an argument and he said, “well you still have MY last name,” as if I wasn’t doing everything in my power to get rid of it. Even up until the end…he still felt as though he had control or ownership of me.

The Impact on Our Child

What makes this whole experience even more painful is the impact it’s had on our daughter. She has witnessed his behavior firsthand, and it’s heartbreaking to hear her talk about how disgusting his home is. She’s shared how he drinks and vapes around her, and more recently, how he swore at her—then tried to tell me I was “obsessed” with him because I confronted him about how he spoke to her.

Despite all this, I still have to deal with him because of our child. He continues to manipulate, lie, and manipulate his way out of responsibility, but I’m not willing to let him harm our daughter. The damage he’s doing to her is something I will never forgive him for, and my husband and I are doing everything in our power to shield her from his toxicity.

Moving On and Finding Peace

I’m happy to say that I’m now remarried to someone who loves and respects me. I’ve found peace, strength, and joy in a relationship built on mutual respect, trust, and love. My daughter has someone now in her every day life that shows her what a father should be.  On her own she started calling him “Daddy.” He protects us and cares for us in a way that I have aways wanted.

My first marriage is a reminder of how easily someone can manipulate, gaslight, and use you when they don’t have good intentions. It’s a reminder of how fragile trust can be when it’s broken. And, most importantly, it’s a reminder of how important it is to set boundaries and stick to them, no matter how hard it may be.

In the end, I may have been deceived and hurt by someone who never cared about me, but I’m no longer a victim of that situation. I’m a survivor. And I will always fight to protect my daughter and ensure that she never has to go through what I did.

I hope anyone reading this who may be in a similar situation knows they aren’t alone. It’s never too late to take back your life and find happiness again, no matter how long the road to healing may seem.